ORIGINALLY POSTED ON AUGUST 2, 2009
It was on this day two years ago, that my youngest child went under the knife. Laurel, now two, had open heart surgery to correct a heart defect that she was born with called Tetralogy of Fallot.
The second that she was rolled into surgery, I felt as if my own heart was ripped out of my body. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t function. I couldn’t imagine my life without this four month old being who I had become so connected with. I would have given her my heart in a second if it would have made a difference.
There was not enough Valium, Xanax or anything else that my doctor’s tried to give me that could prepare me for the actual day of surgery. I am a fairly optimistic person. I pride myself on being able to see the bright side of most situations.
On this day, two years ago, there was no bright side. No silver lining. No sun. No new day. There was nothing. I was trapped in time for several hours where all I could hear were my own negative thoughts. Where I could only relive my own worst fears over and over and over.
This is the first anniversary of Laurel's heart surgery in 2008.
I felt feel responsible for her heart defect. I always have. I cannot help but think that if I had done something different during my pregnancy, anything different, that my daughter would have been born without this hole in her heart. Without this defect that put her under the knife and at risk to lose her life. I could be responsible for the death of my beautiful child.
Guilt is a horrible, mind numbing, time consuming thing that can take over your life. I know because it happened to me.
My daughter came out of surgery and did very well. She ended up not eating so I spent three weeks in the hospital with her after that but that was a minor setback in the whole scheme of things.
But it was the day after my daughter’s surgery that I made a promise to myself. Rather than focus on the surgery itself, I would revel in the day. This was the day that changed her life. The day where she no longer had to be hooked up to machines 24/7 at our house. The day where she became free. I became free as much as I could from the guilt.
Every year on the date of her surgery we celebrate. We celebrate the strength of this beautiful little girl. We celebrate the amazing doctors and nurses who we could NEVER EVER thank enough. We celebrate our complete family and we celebrate each other.
So happy heart day everyone! This is a big day for us. Our entire family.
This year we celebrated by making a cookie cake.
Laurel had to pose after she heard the camera come out.
Mommy Felt Better After She Made Everyone Put on Their Cooking Aprons
The Finished Product. Frosted Cookie Cake Complete Topped With Heart Cookies. Corny? Yes But It Gave The Kids A Chance To Put Sprinkles On Something!
Laurel Had to Strip Down After Her Second Piece of Cookie Cake. She Loves Cookies or "Coo Coo's as She Calls Cookies."
I wrote this post on August 2nd which was the actual day of the celebration and for some reason it stayed as a draft. I am not sure why but I still wanted to share our wonderful day and the reason we celebrate.
About Stacie
God certainly blessed you all and what a wonderful way to celebrate. It broke my heart when I saw the top picture of your precious baby, but the happy little 2 year old more than made up for it, so Happy Heart Day to all of you.
Watching your child go through surgery is one of the toughest things to endure! My daughter has had a few surgeries herself and I always wish I could change places with her. Thankfully she is healthy now too! Glad to hear you celebrate this day and that she is doing so well.
I’m going to IzeaFest as well and hopefully we can meet there!
I can see why you celebrate–it’s a miracle, isn’t it?! I’m glad she is a happy, healthy little girl.
Wow, that is a tough story and you definitely have every reason to celebrate! Your daughter is absolutely beautiful!
Happy Heart Day:) I am so glad to see her sweet smiling face. I can only imagine how special this day is.
I’m glad you published it anyway! Happy Heart Day, even if it is a little late. I’m glad your gorgeous girl pulled through so well – she’s such a beauty! God challenges in ways we can’t imagine before we have children – or something happens to one of those children, huh?
And stop feeling guilty…that’s like feeling guilty because the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. How logical is that?! You have enough on your plate – and life’s too short to have guilt over something you can’t control, didn’t ask for, and had the guts to fix. Rather than guilt, know you are Super Mom for doing everything you’ve done…aren’t we all Super Mom, just for getting through the day?? xx
I’m glad you published the story even if it is up later than planned. Laurel is a beautiful child and you are so blessed to have her with you. I think celebrating Heart Day is such a good idea. It puts such a positive spin on the situation. So Happy Heart Day to Laurel and all your family.
BTW, I love the cookie cake. How can it be considered corny when your children made it with love? God bless you!
What a wonderful celebration, and a great occasion to celebrate
God bless you dear…
I’m glad you posted, b/c this subject matter remains relevant and important. Thank you so much for posting! One of my younger brothers was also born with Tetralogy of Fallot. By the time he was 3, he had 3 heart surgeries, and at one point, was pronounced clinically dead, only to “come back” and survive. Now he’s a 27-year-old IT Specialist who happens to also be a martial artist, parkor trainer, and overall super-healthy guy! So, here’s to watching your beautiful babies grow and thrive despite early set-backs.
I think that is a fabulous thing to celebrate!! I think you should shout it from the top of the hilltops.
So a very happy (even if belated) heart day to your whole family!!!
God bless you all!
Happy Heart Day to all of you! I can’t imagine what that must of been like. I’m sure you’ve been told “It’s not your fault” but as a mother it’s hard to separate those feelings. It’s so wonderful that you can celebrate the day and make it special, I hope it helps to ease your guilt.
I can’t even imagine. What a precious little girl.. and I am so happy to see her looking so healthy and happy!
What a miracle! I would celebrate too if I were you. She’s a beautiful little girl.
I’m so glad you found this post and shared it. What a special day.
Happy belated heart day and yummy on the chocolate cake!! This is a wonderful share and I too am so glad you let all of us join in!!
Dear Stacie – what a lovely story. As someone who has a very near&dear to me story much like “heart day,” i feel that the inspiration you drew from what was so scary & terrifying was so wonderful! Thank you for sharing this story. It brought a smile to my face.
I could not even imagine what you and your family had to go through on that day. I am so glad everything turned out wonderful for your beautiful daughter. Passing on Blessings and more Blessings
Take Care
Stina:-)
Hi there, just responding to your MBC reply. Your little girl is so lovely. Your post really struck a chord with me. My baby will need to have a 9.5 hour surgery at some point…it was originally scheduled for this past June, but then aborted due to additional complications. You are an inspiration and I hope I will be as strong as you when the time come.
very inspiring story!
its amazing how great these little survivors do.
my twins were born 7 weeks early! Although much milder problems..but we got taste of nicu for 3 weeks.
it is my honor that i got to retweet this beautiful post.
Thank you so much for sharing this amazing story!
How wonderful it must be to celebrate such a day! You have such lovely little girls!
she is beautiful and I am in tears. DO NOT feel guilty. It is not your fault!!
Beautiful post. I’m so glad she’s doing so well now. I can’t imagine how terrifying that would have been.
I’m following from MBC Under 100. I’m looking forward to reading more!
wow, brought me to tears. I have seen my son through two surgeries, but nothing like open heart. I’m sorry you felt, or still feel, guilty, and I am sure no matter what I say you still will, but you are a great momma. You can just feel the love in your words.
Awww, Happy Heart Day! Lovely story you are sharing with us, thank you!
I had guilt the first time my daughter got an ear infection, I cried because I thought it was caused by some error on my part (can you tell I am a first time mom?). I can not possibly imagine the pain and guilt that you felt after such an ordeal. I am so glad everything has worked out. Thank you for sharing.
Visiting over from the Sisterhood. So great to see your little girl doing so well. My cousin’s baby had a heart transplant about 2 weeks ago and is doing well. So glad things have worked out well for your little lady!!
Wonderful!!!!!
Wow, what a beautiful story. bless your adorable girl and all of you for what you went through. It makes each day more precious!
Following you from MBC!
It must have been a tough journey! Glad that things are progressing well. Take care!
What a wonderful post! Happy heart day and thanks for the follow.
Wow. Guilt can indeed be crippling. So glad your baby is ok and growing beautifully.
What a heart-warming wonderful uplifting story
This is a very touching post! I’m so happy Laurel’s doing well
Oh Stacie! What a beautiful post! And your daughter is beautiful! Congratulations on another celebration! I can’t wait to see how you all celebrate next year!
Very moving!
As an echocardiographer, I understand and feel the urgency of getting this defect taken care of. Thankfully you had awesome surgeons to repair the tetralogy of fallot defect. This is one that has a really good prognosis as long as it is caught early and repaired with no complications.
Bless you
O my gosh what a story. Congratulations on your very happy day.
Lucy
This was a very touching post. Glad it worked out.
You have such a beautiful daughter! I can just imagine how you must have felt that time. I know mothers go through horrible things when their children’s lives are at stake. No more than high fever on my boys can agitate me no end.
God blessed you with beautiful kids and am sure, you are very grateful and happy for having them.
Thanks for sharing this beautiful story of strength and love.
What a beautiful daughter! Such an inspiration!!! I’m a new follower from MBC!!! Thanks for visiting my blog !
Wow! What a powerful post! I am always so thrilled for happy endings to medical challenges. You must know that you could have done nothing to prevent that hole. Your little girl is a fighter.
Oh my gosh, I had NO IDEA!
What a precious, special little girl you have (and she is sooooooo cute).
It’s a little late, but HAPPY HEART DAY!
that baby photo with surgery saddens me
You are truly blessed by God!
Happy belated Heart day. Thanks for sharing your story. You sound like a strong mama!
Happy Heart Day Laurel! Thanks for sharing this Stacie and please know that you were in no way responsible for your priceless jewel having the congenital heart defect known as Tetralogy of Fallot. As a nurse, I’ve seen so many different conditions, ailments, illnesses, diseases, etc.
It’s more of a miracle to have an absolutely perfect baby than many people realize. So many things can occur during the gestational period (nobody’s to fault). Just enjoy every moment of every hour of every day of every year of the rest of your life loving them.
Awwww, congratulations!!!!!!
What a wonderful post. Laurel is beautiful!
Just wanted to let you know that I really enjoy your blog! There is an award waiting for you at:
http://dealightfullyfrugal.blogspot.com/2009/09/one-lovely-blog-award.html